is-he-loves-me

Jennifer Aniston has been stirring up debate about whether or not a woman needs a man when she decides she wants to have a baby.  In her new movie, The Switch, she plays a woman turning 40 who decides to have a baby "without a man" by visiting a sperm bank.  In a recent article from Yahoo she is quoted as saying "Women are realizing more and more that you don't have to settle, they don't have to fiddle with a man to have that child."

First of all, whether there is "fiddling" or not, a man is necessary for creating a baby.  More importantly, this notion is an insult to loving  fathers everywhere, and it marginalizes the importance of their role in child rearing.  Here are some of the strange notions being cited to advocate this idea that a woman doesn't need a man when she wants to have a child, along with my opinions of why each notion is flawed.

Many Women Can Afford To Raise Kids on Their Own-

You're probably gonna hate me at the end of this article because it sounds like I have all the answers - which is the farthest thing from the truth - but this idea has been on my mind a while now because I think it's something lots of women ponder time and again: Why does he love me? Unless of course you have all the confidence in the world and are one of the cool "Why wouldn't he love me??" crowd in which case you never ask yourself this question. Why does he love me?

Image via Wikipedia

I think men are ready for the big step - a long term relationship and probably marriage as well - when a woman meets most of the things his ideal woman (the one in his head) contains. For example, a man

If you ever been in love, then you know that being in love is a wonderful feeling.   Of course thinking  about saying I love you for the first time stirs up feelings that are usually more stressful than wonderful.  Unless you are the type of person that is just willing to take your chances by blurting out I love you as soon as the feeling strikes you, you will likely ask yourself some questions about if and when you should utter theses 3 words.  Once we realize we have fallen in love, the relationship changes for us, but once "I love you" has been spoken the relationship changes for both of you and there's no turning back.  Here are some typical questions that we start asking ourselves when we think about declaring our love for the first time.

Does he/she love me too?

The biggest factor when deciding if and when to say I love you is whether or not you feel that this person loves you too.  A lot of thought is put into analyzing just how the other person feels, and the likelihood of them replying with "I love you too."  No one wants to be met with an awkward silence, an abrupt change in topic or an "I'm not sure how I feel yet" after telling that special person that you love them.

Who Should Say "I Love You" First?

Commitment is a big fear for a lot of men, and a HUGE frustration for a lot of women.  Women can't stand when men don't commit, and they also can't understand.

Men will give many reasons for not being able to commit.

I Need My Space: A lot of guys will just tell their lady that they need some space.  So what does this really mean?  Well, when you were a young girl, you probably dreamed of the day you'd meet a man that you would fall in love with and get married and have a family.  For men, we just think about sex.  A deep relationship is much more than we ever imagined, and most of the time we may not be ready.  So we just need a little space to make sure we're ok with where we're at.

We Should See Other People: Ladies, do I really have to tell you that if you hear this one, RUN.  It's over.  What a man is doing here is trying to keep you close, in case he needs to score a quickie on a drunken night.

I Like You Too Much: This is a sneaky tactic men use to try to make you feel good.  I know, it sounds weird, but we're not the brightest species on Earth.  When a guy says this to you, he' s got someone else in mind that he wants to have sex with, but he just hasn't quite closed the deal because you're around too much.  Don't give this guy his space.  He's just trying to sleep with someone else and then come back to you.  That ain't cool!

He Doesn't Want You To Meet His Parents

Is it just me, or is everyone feeling pushed to run their relationships like a small business?  At at doctor's office yesterday, I casually flipped through one of the magazines and found myself getting slightly miffed at the number of "Do this....to find happiness" articles.  Have we really become that pathetic that we have to resort to taking relationship advice from complete strangers?  Do we really feel we can't trust our own instincts regarding how someone inspires us to feel?
  Now, you'll notice I didn't say how someone MAKES us feel, because the only one who every MAKES us feel anything is, well..us!  We choose to react and in what manner we react.  Sure, others can inspire certain feelings but that doesn't mean we have to allow it. Our emotions shouldn't control us, it should be us in control of them.
  Don't get me wrong, I'm no expert on this.  I'm probably the oldest, slowest student enrolled in the course. My emotions ruled my world for many, many years and we're still batting each other over the head for complete control of the ship. But I'm gaining ground, I just know it. Now, I'm going to jump around a bit, so bear with me, ok?

When it comes to the idea of "true love" many people equate this notion with unconditional love.  According to wikipedia, unconditional love means "to love someone regardless of one's actions or beliefs."  In other words, we don't stop loving that person just because we don't like something that he or she did.

On the other hand, conditional love is defined as love that "requires some type of  exchange" or has "conditions that must be met."  Now when it comes to my children, my love is unconditional, but when it come to romantic love, the conditional type sounds way better to me.  When we first fall in love, I think that this early stage of love is for the most part unconditional, but to keep love going and to maintain a relationship I definitely think that conditions need to be part of the mix.