Entertainment
HumorBy CaroleParker
9 months ago
Well, I continue anti-smoking theme. It seems that smokers rarely understand that their lives revolve around smoking dangers every day. This type of surprise sounds like news that you have COPD or cancer. At the same time it is like a car accident, everything is ok, you drive smoothly, when suddenly boom! Everything broken…
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EntertainmentHumorBy CaroleParker
9 months ago
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather, not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
The probability of being involved in a traffic accident is directly proportional to time spent on the road. Driving fast decreases one's exposure. One third of traffic accidents are caused by drunk drivers; two thirds are caused by non-drunk drivers. Therefore, the safest way to drive is drunk and very fast.
A man was caught for speeding and went before the judge.
The judge said,
- What will you take: 30 days or $30?
The man thought and replied,
- I think I'll take the money.
When asked for her occupation, a woman charged with a traffic violation said
she was a schoolteacher. The judge rose from the bench.
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EntertainmentHumorBy CaroleParker
9 months ago
This guy goes to a bar that's on the tenth floor of a hotel. He sits down and has a couple of drinks, then stands up, announces loudly that he has had enough, and goes over and jumps out the window. Now, there are two men who are sitting at a window table, and having that natural human curiosity about the grotesque, watch as this man plummets to certain death.
However, just as he is about to hit the ground, he rights himself, pulls his feet underneath himself, and lands gracefully. He then turns and comes back into the building. Naturally, the two men are amazed. The guy comes back into the bar, orders a few drinks, then repeats the process. The two men at the window seat are astounded! When the guy returns and repeats the procedure again, the two men stop him before he jumps and ask him how on earth he does that. He replies "It's simple, really. There's an air vent down by the ground, and if you catch the updraft, you can right yourself and land on the ground with no problems." Then he proceeded to jump out the window again.
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EntertainmentHumorBy CaroleParker
9 months ago
 A restaurant owner has apologised after diners had their very own F word experience.
Ten friends found the abusive and sexually-explicit message on their bill at Joe Delucci's Italian restaurant in Bird Street, Lichfield, Staffordshire.
Diner Clare Watkin said she thought it was written after they complained about poor service.
The party from Walsall had gone to the restaurant on Friday. Owner Nigel Langsdon has begun an investigation.
Ms Watkin said: "I couldn't believe it. The bill read 'fish cakes', which one of us had for a starter, and it was written right above it - absolutely disgusting language.
"We actually booked the table for 8 o' clock in the evening, by the time they had taken our order it was quarter to nine and we didn't actually receive our food until quarter past 10."
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EntertainmentHumorBy CaroleParker
9 months ago
A store that sells husbands, where a woman may go to choose a husband, has just opened. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch. You may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building! So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.
On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord.
The second floor sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.
The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking.
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EntertainmentHumorBy CaroleParker
9 months ago
Say, "No," over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each no, and keep an even tempo even as they’re trying to speak. Maybe sing a song with all "No’s" This is the most fun if you can keep going until they hang up.
If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could it. Ask, "How long can I keep it? Do I have to ever pay it back, or is it like that other money I borrowed before my bankruptcy?"
If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "Why do you want to know?" Or you can say, "I’m so glad you asked, because no one seems to care these days and I have all these problems, my colon is acting up again, my rectum are sore, my pet rock just died…" When they try to get back to the sales process, just keep talking about your problems… if they persist - ask them why they don’t care.
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EntertainmentHumorBy CaroleParker
10 months ago
All of these are companies that didn't spend quite enough time considering how their online names might appear - and be misread...
- Who Represents is where you can find the name of the agent that represents any celebrity. Their Web site is
www.whorepresents.com/
- Experts Exchange is a knowledge base where programmers can exchange Advice and views at
www.expertsexchange.com/
- Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at
www.penisland.net/
- Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at
www.therapistfinder.com/
- There's the Italian Power Generator company,
www.powergenitalia.com/
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