In a previous post we tackled why women stay with men who have cheated. These women generally have invested a lot of time and emotion into their marriage and many have children to consider, so I can understand why they would make excuses for these men even though I could never bring myself to stay with a cheater. What I find much harder to understand is the women that get involved and stay with these married men.
They seem to have nothing to gain from these relationships, yet there always seems to be a steady stream of women getting involved with married men. I’ve done my best to compile a list of the reasons why women get involved with married men. In all fairness, I do hear from the wives of cheaters about twice as often as I hear from “the other woman” but I think that the list is pretty accurate none the less.
She Didn’t Know He Was Married- Some married men just flat out tell women that they are single. Of course, no matter how good he is at hiding the fact that he’s married, if the relationship continues the woman eventually figures out that he is married. Some women will see all the signs but won’t confront the man and will keep up the charade of pretending that he is single. Other women will confront these men, but even if the men admit that they are married this is not a deal breaker for them. This leads us to some typical excuses that women make for staying with married men.
He’s Getting Divorced Any Day- This is a common one that I hear when women are dating a man that is separated, but I’ve also heard women say this about men that still live with their wives. Some men come right out and tell women that they are “almost divorced” while many represent themselves as already being divorced even though they’re not. If a man says he’s divorced and he’s not, that is too big a lie not to end things right there in my book. Even if he gives the almost divorced excuse, I think that women should be very leery. If he really can’t tell you when his divorce will be final then he is either lying, or there’s the slight chance he’s involved in a divorce that is so ugly and complicated that you shouldn’t be getting involved with him until it’s final anyway.
His Wife is a Shrew- Just like wives blame the other woman for their husbands cheating, the other woman often blames the wife for the man’s cheating. This “mean wife excuse” may also come in the forms of “my wife doesn’t understand me” or “my wife doesn’t meet my needs” but no matter which form it takes it shows a man who is a coward. If the marriage is that bad, then he should just step up and get divorced.
It makes no sense for a man to stay in a miserable marriage while having a mistress on the side. There are only two reasons why he would do this. 1) He has no intention of leaving and just wants to enjoy a fling with someone else or 2) he does want to leave but he won’t give up the security of having a wife until he is sure that he’s found another women who will stay devoted to him. In either scenario, this is one selfish man who has put his needs above everyone else’s needs, and no one should want to be involved with a man like that.
The Thrill of the Forbidden- I don’t want to make it sound like all women are fooled by men into thinking that they will leave their wives. There are those women that know up front that the men are married yet they get involved with them anyway. Some women seem to think it’s exciting to have to sneak around while the man keeps the relationship hidden from his wife. Many people categorize these women as “home wreckers” who have no conscience or morals. Others argue that these women have some deep rooted fear of commitment or some other deep seeded problem that makes them behave this way. In the end, no matter what the reason, these women are acting selfishly, plain and simple.
Despite the many reasons why women may become involved with married men, the one thing that they all have in common is that they are all rooted in deceit. It doesn’t matter whether the man is deceiving just his wife or his wife and mistress or if he claims to have a “legitimate” reason for cheating rather than just looking for a fling. Marriage is a tremendous commitment based on love and trust, and a women who chooses to get involved with a man who can turn his back on all of that is very likely to get hurt whether she enters the relationship willingly or not.
