If you've moved any time within the past few years, then this title may having you saying "no way, moving equals stress, stress equals fighting." Having moved at least eight times and to five different states during my 16 years of marriage, I can assure you that I know moving is stressful. Of course lots of things in life are stressful and the best thing to do under any circumstance is to get support from your partner rather than just making sure that they share in your misery.
I know that this is easier said than done, but since I have become the "moving maven" I thought I'd share my biggest tip for keeping the peace in your relationship when it's time to move. Although moving is stressful for everyone, I am mainly going to address this one to the ladies, since we tend to be the keeper of the nest (yes, that sounds sexist, but it sounds truthful too.) I've handled some moves better than others, and I've learned a lot through trial and error, so here is my number one tip for avoiding fighting with your man as you move.
Don't mess with the "guy stuff" when it's time to move.
We all know that guys have "guy stuff." It may be never used tools, a set of weights buried in the basement, or fishing equipment that has accumulated cobwebs. The exact contents will vary with the personality and hobbies of your man, but he is sure to have something that takes up a fair amount of space that he hasn't used in ages, if ever. Normally, it's fine to ask him about getting rid of this stuff from time to time. Hey, you never know when you may get lucky and he'll agree that it is time to get rid of it.
The big caution here is that the time to bring this up getting rid of the neglected items is not when you're planning a move. Moving is a fine time to clear those places where things accumulate, like the basement and garage, but it works best if you each get rid of your own stuff. It's tempting to make wise cracks about getting rid of his old stuff when you're planning a move. Even though having a pile of unused items ready for packing and staring you in the face may seem like an opportune time to suggest purging these items, resist this temptation and stay quiet.
For the most part, I'm not usually a big believer in being quiet, but a move is one of those big stressful events in a relationship, where a seemingly small issue can cause a big argument. In fact, one of the most controversial dilemmas I've ever seen on LuvemOrLeavem had to do with a women disposing of her guys stuff without telling him first. I don't usually have a lot of men that post comments, but the men were militant on this one. They were so unhappy with the actions of this woman, that they made it clear that they were voting "Leavem" only because there wasn't an option of "He should leave you."
So there it is, my biggest tip ever for not turning a move into a battle of the sexes. It may sound very simple, but as I've said before "sometimes the best way to improve communication in a relationship is to focus on what not to say rather than what to say."
What do you think? Please share your thoughts, tips and stories about how moving can affect a relationship and how to handle the stress of it.
